Since launching nationally and internationally recognized organization Republican Atheists in February 2017, I have observed time and time again a childish authoritarian approach from many atheist men (both conservative and liberal) where they give an ultimatum to follow their demands or else they will cut ties.
Before I move forward, I will note that my observations are based on communicating with both conservative and liberal atheist men, so do not make the assumption that this is strictly about conservative atheists, or atheist Republicans. I have direct experiences with conservative atheists because it is “my turf,” but I have also experienced harsh response from atheists in left leaning atheist groups many times.
It’s my way or the highway!
In no time, however, this young man was complaining about the conversations in the Facebook group. He did not like how I, and other people in the group, communicated. It seemed as though he wanted absolutely no conflict whatsoever within the group. I said the group is new and we are adjusting so just hang in there and provide feedback so we can make adjustments over time. This response did not go well with him though. He continued to be frustrated and within less than a week said he could not work with the organization and bowed out.
I have encountered a number of atheist men similar to him since then. They may come off as nice people at first but then all of a sudden start demanding things to go their way or else they will take off. “It’s my way or the highway!” This isn’t unique to conservative atheist men, it seems to apply across the board when it comes to political views. Maybe it’s just a general male thing when it comes to developing a group.
A few more examples… I happened to stumble upon left-leaning atheist blog Secular Voices whose primary author, Kevin Davis, also happens to be the director of “critical thinking” after school program Young Skeptics. He claimed to be a very active member of the atheist community, so I offered to share more information about Republican Atheists with him. However, since I did not fall in line with his political ideology, he responded with rude remarks and turned me down immediately saying, “Not surprised, nor interested.” Yet another authoritarian atheist male. This isn’t about having him side with my group, it’s about common courtesy and a level of respect.
Then there are the left-leaning podcasters of atheist podcast Cognitive Dissonance. I sent a request asking if I could be interviewed on their show, to which they agreed and said the interview would be 45 minutes. However, 15 minutes into the interview, they hung up on me after I mentioned information they were not on board with. Note, I did not swear or insult, I simply mentioned something they did not want to hear more about and they decided to drop me.
Needless to say, it’d be nice if atheist men could take a chill pill and be more observant of others. Not everyone is going to roll over for you, especially not me.
Lauren Ell is an American blogger born and raised in Southern California and is currently based in Sweden. She discusses Epilepsy, Politics and Fun. Professionally Ell is an Online Marketing Consultant and Virtual Assistant. She is also founder and president of Republican Atheists. Connect with Lauren on Facebook and Twitter.
It’s not just men. It’s a personality trait that has flourished since social media and the vastness/dis-engaged nature of online interaction has allowed impatient (usually young!), entitled people to avoid compromise and dialogue, partly since they can so easily carve out their own places on the web if they don’t like your group, partly because they are not physically or socially invested in an off-line, real world relationship with you. There is no apparent penalty in their mind for not making an effort to build a group/relationship based on acknowledging alternative points of view.
I wonder if falling back on group identity/gender explanations is a wise path to follow. It is usually what the left does. It will guarantee failure as it is an over-simplification of a more complex, and insidious, social problem. There are plenty of “my way or the highway” aetheist women out there who are as impatient and intolerant of compromise as there are selfish men.
I understand where you are coming from. I normally do not draw attention to differences like gender, but in this circumstance I feel it is relevant. Studies show that the the majority of the atheist community is male. I have been communicating in online atheist groups of all kinds for years, and have been managing Republican Atheists for a year, and I can say more often than not, men are the ones who speak up and feel they have to control the conversation. This is something to be aware of.